Suicide
existed when there weren’t any psychological definitions attached to them.
Suicides exist Today with all the Modern Jargon in place and long lists of
things that can be done to prevent it…What
“Others” around the person may do…
Truth be
told…harsh…raw…in the Face…hurtful…
IT IS A
DECISION…FULLSTOP !!!
It is a
decision a person has taken once what came out of “Pandora’s Box” have left
them.
HOPE…Hope
that guaranteed Pandora that she will never Desert mankind and yet she does
take a break on and off…and those souls she deserts are the ones who decide to
call it quits. These are the ones who
face a shutters down …they have tried all the Avenues…cried for help..asked for
help...begged for help…thrown few tantrums…threatened dire consequences…screamed
and kicked figuratively if not literally…hoped things will change and have
arrived to this clear concise decision of “Ending it all”!
Often people
feel it was “Heat of the moment” a rash move…a hasty act. It is not…
When they do
decide to quit…they plan…they plan silently for the opportune time when they
will be not disturbed…they take pains to get through the fool proof method…an
irreparable…irreversible one. Its fatal in its finality. They seek no more
attention…no more mercy…no more amends…its Exit they seek…Final…resounding and
forever.
So its
amusing when a case of suicide that catches Media attention makes the
round…suddenly there is a plethora of advice that piles up in form of
professional opinion to popular opinion. People talk avidly about how
“Depression” as a Mental disease is receiving so little recognition…how it is a
selfish Act…[ they did not care about their parents you see…}they stopped
caring about self, long back…past caring about anyone. Popular notion thinks
that if we were to sit patiently and talk about their woes …maybe...maybe we
can bring them back from neverland…
Pure
fallacy…It will not…the ones who have decided to get those veils out and cross
over…absolutely will. They have decided…simple and silent…
The only one
who can change this decision is their own self…if ever at all…that
responsibility is only and only and only their own!!!
Why do I
pass such a heavy statement??? For I have been in that Moment and know
something. It was my choice to get there…AND my choice to walk back…No one knew
until much much later I mustered courage enough to even confess…some scoffed at
it as a lie…some pitied me…some found it as attention grabbing…but that Moment
Was mine to hold on…and it was my decision to let it go and rebuild…LIFE!!!
Why then I wish
to pen this!?
For I wish
to point out a simple thing that it is the person’s Responsibility and no one
else’s…
So many
articles I read on signs of suicide…things you can do to avoid a “ potential
suicide” if ever it can be done!!!
If all this
works then why do we still have people jumping off the terraces...hanging onto
“Fans”, going under a running Train, overdose of lethal drugs??? Why are we not
able to stop them? We care…if we knew we would not let them. World is a nice
place to be…People care for you.
Things change…situations look up…phases move
out…well…Do you think the person bent on Self Destruction Cares anymore…he or
she knows all this and in spite of it has stopped feeling…for them it is Pack up
time...Time to Go…
Others stop
feeling responsible …the process had begun long back and very little could have
been done. Recognize it within yourself when it occurs and see if it rings a
bell towards a tendency.
Fortunately
we all are born with a love for our own life. We will let go of it very very
rarely and hang on to it for dear life. Be alert and explore within when we are
going off the tangent and cut cool.
Seeking help
where you shall ruminate again about how miserable your life is and some
benevolent soul who nods sympathetically does not help…Take charge and Keep
your life.
Stop playing
Games with yourself…do we??? Play games??? Yes we do…how???
Look at an
average Teenagers there are special ones... but for now let us focus on a
technical average teenager who gets pocket money…goes to college…bunks
lectures…uses the pocket money on sandwiches and movies and laments about their
overstrict moms and dads…
They are so
overbearing!!! They do not buy me this expensive….{maybe they really do not
have the money to spare??}
They forced
me to join this ….{ do they like bind your wrists and ankles on an auto and
throw you in the college daily??}
They do not
let me stay out for parties…hang out with my friends…{the one who uses screw
you and f### so frequently in their
presence…has hair colour issues..like you seems to be going nowhere}
They are
never happy with my marks …{ 60%+ with A.T.K.T galore]
Take this gym
generation to professionals…so quick are they to blame the poor parents for
stressing them…
Why do we not
tell them…?
Dude!!! They
still fund your teenage from food to studies and all the exorbitant demands in
between…and still tolerate your switched off cell phones they spend a fortune
in buying…if they do not agree on your choice of friends why not give them a
benefit of doubt?? If the pocket money is less…why not get out of the education
system you anyway hate and begin earning a decent salary. Your salary…your
expense now would that be not cool??? Try it…
Do we tell
the young gen to be self sufficient? We fear…kahii esa vesa na kar bethe…hmmmm
That brings
us to the phase…To be or Not to be of suicide point…
Yes this is
the phase when maximum attention is sought. Often mild attempts are made to
scream out for help. Its not an Act but a cry for help…
or look closely an
attempt to get what you want.
How it will be dealt will develop the persona…lay
more games further to hold people at ransom…or accept responsibility and learn
and live…No manuals are available yet to actually give you a straight and run
formula...but the people who stay in this phase are the ones who learn appeal to
pity as the most manipulative device in relationships.
There is a
Fatal phase where the so called issues are challenging…enough to run away…for
some…
Less marks
in public exams or Failure…
Inability to
cope with a curriculum…
Abusive
relationships…
Financial
pressures…
Terminal
illness and the painful tryst with invasive procedures without
knowing the
outcome and the resultant turmoil of drain on the family…yes it is a situation
where Hope leaves one faster than slower...
Lately the
Farmer’s suicide has also been catching the attention of the media and social
organisations. The financial crisis envelops them so deeply that there seems to
be no way out…however publicizing such events too seem to add to the available
options to farmers undergoing financial quandary. Government of course is slow
to wake up but other families and despairing souls move in and accept as a
viable Exit option and so they Decide to implement it…
All the
mentioned above situations have been faced and surmounted by many…so many have
scored less and have lived to laugh at their academic state years later…for
they looked at another aspects of themselves that were special to their own
selves...
Inability to
cope with a curriculum…its not the curriculum...it's you…you who cannot stand up
and say “Hello…I cannot…I do not like it anymore…I want to give up and try
something else!” We fear the parental guilt laden dialogue so very pedantic that
we prefer to lay down our lives rather than face it…for the focus is still
outside…
Understand
this…
It is you at
stake…your inner and outer happiness ,claim it…live it…if you can turn this
bend you will mend things later…
Financial
pressures…again look within…you have made some foolish decisions…you
blundered…you messed up…no one else’s fault. If public defamation is what you
expect…face it…it will pass..but life once laid down shall never come back to
pass…Rebuild again is a chance you will get...How worse can it get???
Scandal??? Bankruptcy??? Arrest??? Property auction??? Your resource is you and
you alone…rest all you can build…you can rebuild.
Abusive
relationship is the most intimidating no escape route. So many tangles and the
weakness is again…You!!!
What stops
you on calling it quits with this person??? Is there a need for something
social need for approval???A façade you maintain for prestige???Economic
dependency for children??? Why would you tolerate kicks…name
calling…insults…betrayal??? Do you not deserve better???Who is keeping you
stagnant??? What devices are at play??? Ask relentlessly why???
If you are
honest you will know the reason why and
find hopefully a way out for yourself…find out the drama strings at play
here…we all love dramas…we love to cook up screaming matches…hysterical
slapping sprees followed by profuse apologies and promises to not repeat...only
to play out the drama yet again …that is where you begin seriously to toy with
the idea of calling it quits…mentally building up scenarios of hanging yourself
or seeing your adversaries sorry faces on your funeral...
STOP RIGHT
THERE…YOU ARE PLAYING A DANGEROUS GAME...
You are
somewhere giving yourself the right to die at the expense of struggling with
the external issues and growing out of it and becoming Master of your
destiny…if you will not…you will someday consider it as an option in your
repertoire of options to bail yourself out in a singular “HOPE DOWN” moment….Do
not enter this Mental romance with death Phase…it takes you straight to the
terrace or ceiling Fan or sleeping pills…
It all boils
down to a moment…a vacuum when It all feels just too much…and the best way to
cope is…not to cope…all cries have been made…all tries have been made…all
options considered and all outcomes weighed…and “making oneself absent” becomes
a very attractive one…
So when this
one person who was given the gift of
life did not take the responsibility to make it right for whatever reasons…what
happens..
BLAME AND
GUILT…
The person
who left is beyond caring and so left…but the ones who remain…are filled with
guilt and remorse…rewinding in a futile attempt to change
something..anything…to have the person back…maybe talked a little more…maybe
stayed with them…Survivor’s Guilt is what is so often neglected under the screaming
Blame and burdensome guilt…The surviving relations would always be haunted with
this death and the role they played or did not play in this gory situation.
Okay so we
have a Law in place that says: suicide is punishable…the ones who left...do they
care??? The ones who failed…well…would plead for mercy and often get it!!!
An attempt
to taking one’s own life and succeeding is Suicide…A decision one makes…out of
shame…hopelessness…despair...A moment when all is over…and yet it is not…It is
over if we think it is and over if we
think it is…we survive if we wished to…harshest of circumstances…have
been overcome…history is replete with such brave heart accounts…
Is there a
Remedy to curtail this Decision?
Cut dramas
as a way of responding to life…calmer approaches bring better results…sense of
humor heals faster than tons of tears. Fill your life with busier activities
that…the terraces seems far away…and tying a Noose around ceiling fan seems
cumbersome…
Raise a
Generation that lives in reality, assesses life rationally, admits to mistakes
and feels they can be redressed. Let the psyche not have in their repertoire an
action of this proportion in it.
The sun
rises again…the day turns to night…people will be kind and cruel…situations
will continue to be banal and relationships will continue to be oppressive…Yet
there is a way out only if one thinks deeply and learns to accept
responsibility for Self and its Action.
You
failed…maybe the subject needs changing…your inclination changed…weigh
it…change it to what you can cope…
Relationships…not
getting enough attention…? Why run after someone why not create a Busy and
meaningful life that people want to pursue you?? Out of love and respect.
Each one of
us will take a call as to what shall we do when life confronts us with things
not agreeable to us…people not willing to please…and all may come to a
standstill…its we who need to stand tall…use all the reservoir of energy…God
given energy to give that push to a force called Life…choose it…or else…
Well People…magazines…tabloids..media…would
love to write about it and claim mileage…and Survivor’s shall shiver in the
shadows of tragedy you leave behind for they will never figure out if anything
they could have done to bring you back…
Nothing
will…for you decided to Close the curtain…FULLSTOP.
Sonnal Pardiwala,
Internationally Certified Angel Card Reader.
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