Relationship Musings- Aim for Peace!

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Can we live without a relationship? No ,we cannot. It is an emotional necessity as much as food clothing and shelter and internet!

Yet it is the most turbulent part of our daily life. Who complicates it?

We, The Great!

Really? Yes really!!! We, who take great pains to like maintain and repair our electronic gadgets, like cell phones and laptops ,sadly whimper at the first challenge and throw the baby out of the bath water or sometimes the entire Bath tub outta that bathroom…too soon too fast.

Why would we do that? Coz we are fools and love to Dramatize when it comes to maintaining and repairing Human relationships.Understanding people seems to be our laziest zone!  We handle our gadgets far better than humans in our life.

We have borrowed too much of modern day habble dabble dash nonsense about how relationships ought to be.

Truth is…No daily newspaper column, monthly lifestyle tip giving glossy, book or blog ( such as this) can determine how a relationship shall unfold.

A Relationship is an untold contract and the two people  with their humble and mutual consent enter into it. They decide the rules, amend them from time to time, abuse each other a little ( Stay with me guys –patience is the key word here ) love each other, hate each other periodically, create memories and stay together or part with baggage …carrying it forward into the future relationships…by far the most dangerous killer of any twosome or  is this “ Baggage” . We will get to it…little later…

A little common sense and we can build happier relationships…

Lets take a Tour together

Hmm so you have found the one from your dreams –the one you have a crush on and are unable to say it…you do attention seeking…dressing up..talking loud…swirling in frontways, sideways and allways…with no luck…

Work is needed heavily on yourself. GOD endowed you with pretty hands to write your texts and mails or good old letter…a mouth to speak and a brain to think. Why have you used none of those??? If not now then when???

Life is too short to regret. Either say it or get on with your life. I am sure you have things to do in life other than preen pretty in front of your love interest.

Instead of wasting time, be direct and save time. You can save it for Romantic Mushy Days and Preen around when it will be worth it. Thumb Rule says: Two  are needed to create a Relationship!

The next stage also is equally hazy dazy. You have talked, got on each other’s Whatsapp list. You check their “last seen” so frequently (if they have kept that visible ) but you wait for their text.

Now there are two things that can happen.

 The person is too busy or not interested in this chat game of yours. After repeated text if the person  gets back to you with compulsory and mandatory boring smileys, it's  time to take an inventory…of yourself and suggest to yourself this

•        This person is not finding you interesting enough and has other interesting gang to hook onto.
•        This person has no clue that you in some corner of this Universe is waiting for his or her humble text…educate them for your sake !

In any case accept the ground reality by checking verbally with them instead of playing word puzzles and guessing what  thousand meanings hide in that reply,  that may mean nothing to them. 

Getting down to the analogy of a cell phone or laptop. You try and read the manual and get to know them. You have patience and acceptance that with trial and error you will succeed…you will “get to know your gadget better”

But this is human relationship??? You just mumbled…right then…it means

It takes two to tango! Enlist the  one who is giving consent and is willing…else its only you …then it is not a relationship at allllll

.

This grounded approach shall help you cut faster into the long drawn dramatic route that involves friends and other humans who love to add their own toppings on the pizza! Play two and do not get in a zoo to get your “ Two some”

Let say you are now lucky enough to bind the twosome consent and mutual et al contract…Great!!!

Lucky bummers! Now comes in the patterns of being masculine and feminine and switching roles. Accept that we are not perfect but we have baggage of our past partners…Sadly we push the current ones into the mould where we tragically narrate the “ poor me” syndrome and it is up to the poor partner to measure up and prove “ They are different “ than the Baggage story…

Trouble in the paradise begins here…

Take the scanner onto you dear one..its you who were scorched in the  past…something went wrong with you…why is  the onus on this next person to prove to you that you will not hurt?

It is a super fallacious thinking to think that no new hurt will be incurred. Each time, you buy a new gadget, you begin with factory settings... from scratch…you may download all your existing apps anew! What was done by you is your own thing…why dump it on this next person? It is so daunting to have the next one prove to be a nicer one than the previous one that you do not allow this one to create their memories with you

“ My Boyfriend used to always flirt with my best friends Now you must not talk to any of my friends!

 LOGIC???

“My girlfriend was a Dominating one Now you must let me walk all over you!! MANIPULATION!!!

“I am looking for the one who will never hurt me!

 UNREALISTIC…IMPOSSIBLE MISSION.

Accept yet again when two people tango…there is bound to be some …No! A lot of conflict.

Why???

Coz you are two different set of individuals…brought up in different ways… ate differently, dressed differently, thought differently, handled challenges differently, challenge is to find a balance…

You found that peace and are probably moving towards that aisle or have worked at the road but…..

There are and will be issues…

In-law issues…you may never be liked…

Finances…one may spend more …one may save more…

Chores…one may love to clean ..one may love to lounge forever…

Children…to raise this way or that? To have them or not!!! when to have them? Now or little later???

If there is love and patience things have to be brought on the negotiation table…and effort should be made to find a midway…

"Do not sacrifice…make a choice and be comfortable with it.

Or do not make it at all."

Be sorted and grounded…and please  buy this Modern day Jargon of Self love a tad bit cautiously. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others!

We are talking relationship and it needs two to …well…

Before you begin to think what if there is a serious chasm of infidelity growing under.

Choice is the key word here…Drama is the villain here…

Choose and work on it!

You walk out and rebuild your life.

You stay in and rebuild your life.

Think carefully !

Snides, Sarcasm, involving cruel battles with other members involved take away your peace of mind, stunt your growth and retard your capacity to live your life fully.

So your partner changed, chose again, broke your marriage vows…

It will take heavy work to accept and rebuild. With the same one or without…

The key word is peace for yourself…Maturity is living life with loads of common sense and fun.

Bitterness is an empty companion which makes the Air around us very stale and laces our interactions with unpleasant accents.

Life is  so much to be enjoyed rather than waiting to be discovered or appreciated .

Unless huge amounts of physical threats are involved ,every relationship can be sorted out …

If you  feel angry, yell! Scratch a bit, sulk, then talk…

If you feel hurt, cry, howl! Curl up in a corner, then talk...

If you feel jilted, mourn! Understand, choose, then talk...

If you feel shortchanged, think! Assess, clarify, then talk...

If you want change, specify, clear guidelines with a talk...

If you feel stagnant, make a plan, lay down rules and talk...

Do not just blame or worry…point fingers and hurl abuses without going anywhere specific. We are human beings geared to live a happy life.Let us not ruin it with our flair for drama and think of ourselves as the eternal ,sad, sanskaari one shown wrongly on the Tele shows.

We are humans…we change…every person is different than others…lay down rules that make us happy…negotiate to get a win win situation…and build a rocking twosome relationship! 

By Sonnal Pardiwala, 

Certified Angel Card Reader.