Babies made a human out of Me.

Till I discovered I was pregnant, I was a carefree and a reckless woman in my twenties. The moment I was told, I had a life within me, lots of emotions sprung forth. Fear of losing the baby to miscarriage as I lost the first one. Anxiety, to even go to the washroom or even move from bedrest zone more than necessary…

As self-fulfilling prophecies go, I indeed landed up in the hospital. From a rational and modern person, I became God fearing. Pleading to every faith I knew. Cajoling and coaxing and negotiating with Gods to bring my little one safe in my hands. My ordeal was further complicated with a premature arrival of my son. Since he had breathing issues he was in the incubator. To feed him I had to get up and go from my bed to the room. 

And a Mom was born! 
I had just had a C-Section and my entire lower abdomen was seized with excruciating pain. To go there I had to walk up. My baby was hungry! 
THERE WAS NO CHOICE! 
Gathering every vestige of will power that I never thought I possessed, I got up and walked like the mermaid who walked on pins. Every two hours, I had to struggle with my exhaustion and pain but the rewarding gaze of my baby on me filled me up with so much love. It defined what complete trust of another being on you meant. When I sat in the sterile incubator room with my little one suckling, all the pain seem to be non-existent. Only my gurgling angel's sleepy gaze! I fondly locked onto his satisfied smile. I knew in that moment I would die for him, endure for him and take on the world for him. 
Having a baby changes everything they say, and every bit of it is true. 
A whole new perspective emerged into doing everything. My little one was so precious for me that I learned to question tradition where his comfort mattered.
Sorry to disappoint all. I and my cutie pie slept soundly and he was toilet trained by two and a half, happily as mommy had never made eliminating waste an over the top issue. It was a quite routine between me and my husband and my son. One of us took turns in changing diapers, putting him to sleep, telling stories, feeding during weaning. Raising our kid was a new level of growing as literal partners for both of us. We became inventors, storytellers and questionnaires. We responded differently now to so many situations and could tell a ritual for its validity or its obsoleteness. 

Birth of my second one brought out the confident woman in me. Knowing this will be the last time I ever shall be pregnant I took happier decisions like changing doctors who would look at me with compassion and not a patient. I assertively expressed my needs and assured the doctor to be ‘calm’ when the second one declared a premature arrival. I told the doctor to go ahead and operate without fear. We had a cool chat over the entire surgery in the wee hours of early morning. 

Medical situation struck at our little heaven. The elder one diagnosed with a condition that had no allopathic cure or answer. Tradition suggested continuous blood tests to monitor his situation. Again the mother had to think, behave and respond differently. Spiritual learning gave mental reserves to cope with the panicky situation. As a mom I gave into understanding why a condition came up and what can be done. I could see the results of healing.
Schooling brought joy as well as other set of challenges and when their comfort was compromised well. By now you know how we as parents innovate and question! We found the school system redundant and literally have walked out of the system. All I will tell is that as an external candidate my elder one topped the ‘Mumbai Division’ with 94%! 

The only aim was to build a life that was happier for them. One that kept them away from discomfort... Systems that were obsolete we discarded to bring in newer paradigms...

We learned to create a dialogue for discipline and never coercion. 
All I will say is the moment we held our extension, a journey began... towards self-reliance and newer discoveries. 
Yes, having a baby changes you! You transform into a human being who thinks first for the baby and then for yourself. Through the diapers and feeds, homework and bruises, certificates, awards and degrees you are a resource... A parent… A formidable force that moulds a baby into an individual... For them you would take on the world... And change the world a little, if need be…
Work is still in progress and shall ever be...

So, I went on to lock horns with the ‘massage woman’ when she picked up my bundle with unhygienic hands and when he cried in the massage I refused her help. My own mom argued that his bones shall be weak, he will not sleep and that he will be overburdened.

Outsourced massage is the norm. Not for me. I took up massage of my little one and was rewarded with a cooing bonding and a super great ritual. Questioning and arguing continued over many things. Supplement breastfeeding with water and jaggery and honey. My doctor had warned not to give anything. I dug my heels and refused outside food. Only breastfeeding if required only breastfeeding it will be. My mom frowned as it was unheard of a woman to refuse the advice and ‘burden’ oneself so. Of course I went onto reject their cloth pad for a diaper so that he sleeps soundly. It was ‘waste of money’ and lead to bad toilet habits, according to them. 

I had few doubts though as to will I be able to love my second one with equal fervour. All disappeared when I held him, yes, a son this time around too. This time I was wide awake to feed him immediately. I took the sterner decision to not go to my maternal place for ‘resting’.  I chose to rest with my little supportive family who was my support system throughout. We celebrated at McDonald’s on the sixth day of his birth. As a family we flourished together and cared together. 

As doctor trembled at the blood tests fearing dire circumstances and my three years old stood silently without any said effects. The agony of regular pricks hurt me more than any pain I have ever gone through. I chose to walk out of a leading haematologist’s cabin with my ill-treated baby and look for another one. Further questioned and decided to stop the tests and focus only on our new found faith. He is 15 today and still has the condition but totally healthy and fit. 

Education was not in the books but the approach inculcated. My younger one happily home-schools and enjoys every bit of his life. 

From the first tryst with parenthood in April 2001, till today we have come a long way. Things we adapted and never questioned, at the mere frown of our little dudes we went into reforming and restructuring.