When I delivered my baby boy, the first thought was "I want to comfort him in every way". Initially as I followed my mom's instructions, I used cloth loin thing. Every few minutes, I ended up changing clothes of the little one. Exhaustion and Fatigue became constant companions. More than my discomfort, the discomfort of little one made me devastated.
My young and modern husband suggested "Diaper" as a means to alleviate the inconvenience.
My mother raised a storm.
"How lazy are you that you cannot change your child's soiled clothes? We all went through it! It is a shame and sin!"
I sucked in my breath, argued and reasoned but to no avail. I spend few miserable months at her abode as is the custom.
Once in my own turf, I purchased a pack.
My young and modern husband suggested "Diaper" as a means to alleviate the inconvenience.
My mother raised a storm.
"How lazy are you that you cannot change your child's soiled clothes? We all went through it! It is a shame and sin!"
I sucked in my breath, argued and reasoned but to no avail. I spend few miserable months at her abode as is the custom.
Once in my own turf, I purchased a pack.
#Pampers was the one I found in the shop I walked in. With a wailing kid and tired bones, my Research instincts were not active. Pampers it was and Pampers it stayed. I call both my babies "Pamper kids" with all the puns applicable. The guilt conditioning of" being a lazy mother" was so strong that, I used the diaper sparingly only in the nights. We were a nuclear set up and so two of us working and doing everything took a toll on all of us. The peaceful night sleep was a boon. He wore it in the night, passed urine, stools in the morning. We cleaned in the morning with soft tissues. It was a chore even my husband could learn and share. No longer we had soiled clothes, stinky environment. Of course for few months the day clothes soiled. Even though my mom was not there physically, her admonishing remained stuck. I continued collecting and washing and retching while cleaning the entire day's wash.
I carried my baby to work with me but had no heart to wash his stools soiled clothes there.
The Exhaustion continued for few months until I chucked the guilt and shame. Switched to diapers full time.
Each time I visited my mom, she would frown and open him up and comment "He needs some air over there!"
I carried my baby to work with me but had no heart to wash his stools soiled clothes there.
The Exhaustion continued for few months until I chucked the guilt and shame. Switched to diapers full time.
Each time I visited my mom, she would frown and open him up and comment "He needs some air over there!"
At such times, I so wish there were Mommy communities like "Worldwide Mommies Ghapshap". They are immensely helpful and psychological support. Years back I clutched at my misery alone thinking I was lazy and wrong.
When I saw a new mommy recently at cross roads of shame and exhaustion. I turned to it and the amount of support that poured in is amazing. So much healing, so much knowledge poured out. All agreed Convenience was one priority when mommy is tired.
Many offered their own stories of child bearing and rearing years.
Many pointed remedies and methods to overcome mental shame to physical rashes to social milestones like potty training.
Some wise words, some funny, some solemn. But all unanimously a soothing balm for the New Mom's Soul. Do head there to partake of what moms are thinking.
A decade back though, I stood alone in my discoveries, ruthless decision making and elderly women tongue in cheek Taunting!
When I saw a new mommy recently at cross roads of shame and exhaustion. I turned to it and the amount of support that poured in is amazing. So much healing, so much knowledge poured out. All agreed Convenience was one priority when mommy is tired.
Many offered their own stories of child bearing and rearing years.
Many pointed remedies and methods to overcome mental shame to physical rashes to social milestones like potty training.
Some wise words, some funny, some solemn. But all unanimously a soothing balm for the New Mom's Soul. Do head there to partake of what moms are thinking.
A decade back though, I stood alone in my discoveries, ruthless decision making and elderly women tongue in cheek Taunting!
I braced and let it be.
Although he never developed a rash or anything, the shaming continued. I left it at that. She had shamed even when I had begun using Sanitary pads for myself years back.
If switching to comfort and ditching stench, is Laziness, I admit to it heads down. Yes I am a lazy mom but it turned out that I became a Happy mom. Pampers made me a Pampered mom!
Once the stench and soiling and washing was gone, I discovered that his passing urine or stools was no longer embarrassing. I was equipped. Few hours would go by with him gurgling and cooing. When he passed motions, I deftly cleaned it with tissues et al. It became a routine that bonded us and empowered us. Daddy dear too loved changing and talking to our bundle of joy. We truly had the picture perfect glowing baby that we saw in adverts. Momhood then did not weigh on me.
When my second one arrived, I sent Shame on a Two years leave.
I refused to spend the mandatory months post delivery at my mom's house. I came back home! My turf, my terms, my baby's comfort being my priority.
My mom by now had written me off as ungovernable!
From day one, my baby boy grew up n peed in complete comfort. No wrinkling noses, no howling trips to bathroom. Only long happy talks while changing and fragrant spaces during holidays. We became adept at changing in an instant. In the train, in the car, in the restaurant, in the theatre seat. Life was one happy adventure with us foursome. Never did we have to cancel visiting or going anywhere on account of this little dude or his nature call.
As these times were pleasant, both my kids toilet trained happily and transitioned to healthy toilet habits without us having to make any extra effort or tireless reminders or sleepless night. Not one incident of bed wetting.
While environmentally it may be a hazard, I as a mother did not mind committing this one crime! I did find it an expensive affair but we just found value in the money we spent. Besides we learned to increase our incomes to meet them. A happy baby was my biggest Reward!
Although he never developed a rash or anything, the shaming continued. I left it at that. She had shamed even when I had begun using Sanitary pads for myself years back.
If switching to comfort and ditching stench, is Laziness, I admit to it heads down. Yes I am a lazy mom but it turned out that I became a Happy mom. Pampers made me a Pampered mom!
Once the stench and soiling and washing was gone, I discovered that his passing urine or stools was no longer embarrassing. I was equipped. Few hours would go by with him gurgling and cooing. When he passed motions, I deftly cleaned it with tissues et al. It became a routine that bonded us and empowered us. Daddy dear too loved changing and talking to our bundle of joy. We truly had the picture perfect glowing baby that we saw in adverts. Momhood then did not weigh on me.
When my second one arrived, I sent Shame on a Two years leave.
I refused to spend the mandatory months post delivery at my mom's house. I came back home! My turf, my terms, my baby's comfort being my priority.
My mom by now had written me off as ungovernable!
From day one, my baby boy grew up n peed in complete comfort. No wrinkling noses, no howling trips to bathroom. Only long happy talks while changing and fragrant spaces during holidays. We became adept at changing in an instant. In the train, in the car, in the restaurant, in the theatre seat. Life was one happy adventure with us foursome. Never did we have to cancel visiting or going anywhere on account of this little dude or his nature call.
As these times were pleasant, both my kids toilet trained happily and transitioned to healthy toilet habits without us having to make any extra effort or tireless reminders or sleepless night. Not one incident of bed wetting.
While environmentally it may be a hazard, I as a mother did not mind committing this one crime! I did find it an expensive affair but we just found value in the money we spent. Besides we learned to increase our incomes to meet them. A happy baby was my biggest Reward!
Life took a full circle recently when my ailing mom came under my care. She is in the last stage of Lymphoma. A Cancer that has infiltrated each organ of her body. She visited Gujarat for weddings and meeting relatives despite our tearful pleadings to not do such a thing.
She came back with severe Gastritis. It made her weak and she lost control if her bodily senses. At times walking the five steps to bathroom and sitting on the pot was a Herculean task. It exhausted and affected her heart rate. I feared she may collapse in the whole affair. Slipping a pot under her back while lying on the back too was a delicate task as her liver is swollen too. There are all male members in my family of husband and two sons. While I go to work for few hours, it was a question how to take her to the washroom. My dad is there but his 75 year patriarchal mindset refrained from accompanying her in the washroom.
At this juncture, I turned to Diaper dear for support for various reasons.
She came back with severe Gastritis. It made her weak and she lost control if her bodily senses. At times walking the five steps to bathroom and sitting on the pot was a Herculean task. It exhausted and affected her heart rate. I feared she may collapse in the whole affair. Slipping a pot under her back while lying on the back too was a delicate task as her liver is swollen too. There are all male members in my family of husband and two sons. While I go to work for few hours, it was a question how to take her to the washroom. My dad is there but his 75 year patriarchal mindset refrained from accompanying her in the washroom.
At this juncture, I turned to Diaper dear for support for various reasons.
She can enjoy uninterrupted sleep and not be disturbed by frequent visits to washroom or slip the pot routine.
She would not need any assistance to perform the tasks and feel exhausted in the process.
She would save herself the embarrassment of soiling her clothes in case she could not get up from the stupor and imbalance induced by illness and medicines..
Even if she walks up to washroom, it works as backup for emergencies.
She did pass stools and urine couple of times in it and peacefully I cleaned her while she slept or in semi conscious state.
Until!!!
Until, relatives walked in clucking
"Ohhh! She had to wear diapers!!! What a sad state of affairs! Such a bad time for her"
She heard it!
She refused to then use the diaper though she wore it.
She needed two people to get her up and take her to washroom. The toll to her wellbeing and heart rate was untold. The deterioration setting in is worrisome beyond measure.
She would not need any assistance to perform the tasks and feel exhausted in the process.
She would save herself the embarrassment of soiling her clothes in case she could not get up from the stupor and imbalance induced by illness and medicines..
Even if she walks up to washroom, it works as backup for emergencies.
She did pass stools and urine couple of times in it and peacefully I cleaned her while she slept or in semi conscious state.
Until!!!
Until, relatives walked in clucking
"Ohhh! She had to wear diapers!!! What a sad state of affairs! Such a bad time for her"
She heard it!
She refused to then use the diaper though she wore it.
She needed two people to get her up and take her to washroom. The toll to her wellbeing and heart rate was untold. The deterioration setting in is worrisome beyond measure.
I have no control over this situation as I m not the only caretaker here. I agree their mindsets are tough to change. How long will she last in front of the beastly cancer? Why should she look at a tool that can bring convenience to her body as a thing of shame and defeat?
These are few questions for our society and moms.
 |
| Shame or Convenience??? |
What is important : Wellbeing of the person (Children or aged) or the humiliation?
Would they not be mortified by the disgust they see on the caretaker's faces as they clean up out of sense of duty?
Would their bodies not rest a bit if they could be cleaned efficiently and rest easy?
Would the caretaker's not have one less stressor to deal with as they too are running around taking care, worrying, absorbing the grim circumstances and wait for the inevitable?
Senior Citizenry they say is second childhood.
So why is Diaper perceived as cute for children but a shame for the Elderly?
Why do brands depict healthy sleeping and playing babies in their adverts but adult diapers not rampantly advertised?
Why they have a connotation of grimness around their cover pages?
Why not spread awareness that it is equally necessary for their frail bodies to relax and accept this tool to bring them some comfort in their painful bed ridden moments?
It is not a shame but an ally : for both who are bedridden and the ones who take care.
Everyone may not have extended families to support. In the busy environment we live and shrinking families that are, a hospitalised person or a long term bed ridden person may need to accept Diapers as a tool to help and lead a comfortable tenure on this earth.
Would they not be mortified by the disgust they see on the caretaker's faces as they clean up out of sense of duty?
Would their bodies not rest a bit if they could be cleaned efficiently and rest easy?
Would the caretaker's not have one less stressor to deal with as they too are running around taking care, worrying, absorbing the grim circumstances and wait for the inevitable?
Senior Citizenry they say is second childhood.
So why is Diaper perceived as cute for children but a shame for the Elderly?
Why do brands depict healthy sleeping and playing babies in their adverts but adult diapers not rampantly advertised?
Why they have a connotation of grimness around their cover pages?
Why not spread awareness that it is equally necessary for their frail bodies to relax and accept this tool to bring them some comfort in their painful bed ridden moments?
It is not a shame but an ally : for both who are bedridden and the ones who take care.
Everyone may not have extended families to support. In the busy environment we live and shrinking families that are, a hospitalised person or a long term bed ridden person may need to accept Diapers as a tool to help and lead a comfortable tenure on this earth.
When a person enters the world, he or she is helpless and dependent on the caretakers for love, care and affection. The caretakers or parents are humans juggling various responsibilities. Is a little comfort and Convenience not a priority and privilege?
When a senior citizen is ailing, he or she is again helpless and dependent on the caretakers for love, care and affection. The caretakers or children or siblings are humans who shoulder various responsibilities. Is Dignity and Comfort not a priority and prerogative for all involved?
Can we reduce the shame and embrace the Convenience?
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