Drastic situations require Drastic measures!

(A  life incident of an Indian mommy who had to resort to drastic action when reasoning failed. Instead of judging right or wrong, I narrate her plight) 

Meena picked up the phone with a sigh, "Yes Mummyji! Arun will be there to pick you at the airport. No, please do not buy any crackers on the way. We do not burst them anymore." 

Her in-laws were expected after two years at her new house. Her mother-in-law had a distance control on lots of things they did in the house. Every festival was preceded with a call outlining what she had to do. Each event, 'skype-evidenced' to see if all instructions were followed to the hilt. It was more than a decade she was married to Arun but her mother in law maintained the "We do it this way, What would you know?" stance. According to her, Meena was from a lower caste and that was an irreparable flaw. She apparently had not forgiven her son for mixing his genes in an "impure" way. 

When Meena looked at her two kids, she saw only brilliance, simplicity and humility in them, but she knew her mother-in-law would never admit that. 

Her husband's transfer had allowed Meena to retain her sanity in face of laced prejudice of her in law's elderly folk. They kept moving city to city and sometimes even states. For her husband,  too, it helped as he did not have to take a stand for a nuclear family. 

"Have you brought in the ingredients I asked for making pickles? I will make them and go for my children to last you an entire year." her reverie was cut through by this sharp reminder on the other side. 

"Yes I have." was her dull admission.

 Meena was sure, she missed out quite some instructions in her distracted state. Two years she had lived with her in-laws and knew, no matter what she would do, somewhere a flaw will leap through. Her husband had not the courage to confront for he was raised to not do so. He found a diplomatic solution by accepting a Promotion that raised the salary but required constant transfers. The salary and perks were so good, it seemed practical for all. Arun did invest for his parents heavily. He was their only son. 

She did not interfere in that zone as their combined income met their needs and more. She was an environment conscious person. She inculcated simple tastes and needs for her family. This moving lifestyle did give her the autonomy she required. She was the Queen more or less. She could teach her kids what she wished. No one meddled in her household. Skype interactions can be handled. Family gatherings were during weddings and important occasions wherein they met under other people's roof and maintained civility. Few barbs may fly on her choice of clothes and stuff but nothing more.  

She sat looking around and counted all the issues her mother - in- law will extensively frown upon. She wondered ways to cope, avoid and skirt some. 

For starters, she did not have a full time servant! A top servant yes but no one who stayed around the whole day. Meena could not stand the situation where someone lurked around. She cooked their meals fresh and herself. She believed in Cooking with love thing. She had learned in her Spiritual workshops, she attended. For her, a family that worked together, learned to appreciate each other and also pitch in with each other. It helped learn the dignity of work!  Top servant came and went. No interference, no dependence. 

Her ma in law needed 24×7 needed an attendant. 

Stand off! For sure! 

She had grown a penchant for Gardening and Composting. She was lucky to set up her own Garden. She grew quite some herbs, vegetables and even was experimenting with cross planting.  She had compost bins out on the house terrace, where she held her Gardening workshops. Her newly sprouting beauties lay there. Any other folks, went "Wow",  over the teas sprinkled with aromatic herbs. Not her Mother- in- law. She would be furious to know about her expeditions with "Dirt". Peasants and servants did that. 

Well, she thought she could hardly hide the massive lifestyle she had created for her and her family. Her husband loved the Garden beaming with new discoveries, flowers, fruits. They had managed to find best sit - outs and Swings one sat on and sipped healthy brews. She was invited to give talks on Composting and Growing plants. Her children proudly hanged out with friends showing them around. 

Her ma - in- law will have a fit! She could do nothing about it.  She could not possibly shift her thriving Garden. She decided to be silent and let the criticism recede on its own. If she heard it silently her mummyji will slide to find another thing to pick on and prick. The "Bahu" is so full of them, there is always abundance in that area. 

Food was one area she had attained mastery. Her load will increase with so many preparations. No spice for father- in- law as he had Cardiac and lung  issues. Few vegetables were off for mummyji and as for her, they foursome ate whatever was there lovingly. 

Another big issue, loomed larger on her head was the "Cracker" zone literally and figuratively. She had discussed this with Arun five years back and had decided to not burst crackers anymore. She knew each one was responsible for environment and she must do her bit. Her kids were never introduced to crackers as part of Celebrations! 

Her mummyji had clucked clucked on it but being away could not do much. Her Daddyji like Arun took the "No Confrontation" attitude. Anything for peace! 

She was willing to endure low caste digs, bad householder remarks but this one thing she was not willing to compromise! 

She had no help from her husband who was meeting his parents after few years. He was unlikely to be pleased with any skirmishes at all. 

She sighed, hoped there would not be any. How she wished she could freeze or disappear these few days. She must get on though as best as she could. When Power struggle is on... It is on! 

The Door Bell rang. 

"Dada Dadi camnmnmee..! " chortled the kids who had gone down to play. They returned with their Grandparents and Arun in Tow. She touched their feet. She could already see her mummyji assessing her turf. She took a deep breath and went inside to fetch refreshments. 

" Daadaji not here, come and sit in the Garden. We just bought new swings. Mom will bring chamomile tea for you", Zesha pulled his Grandpa into the Garden. 

"Daadi for you there will be Allspice tea with no sugar but meethi tulsi", Younger Ishaan too imitated his elder sister. 

"Both of you, let them sit for a while and relax! " Arun interjected as he came back after putting the suitcases away. He had one small bag with him. 

" Yes Daadi has brought stuff for all of you", smiling their Grandma opened the bag. 

Next ten minutes went in Ooohhh! Ahhhh! as clothes for all four tumbled out. Crayons and Clay,toys and Games,  shaving device for Arun and casseroles for Her kitchenette. 

"Best is saved for the last. Here are crackers for you little ones. Deafen the entire building away" 

Suddenly there was an uncomfortable silence. The delight on kids'  face withered. They looked at their mom. Grandpa too sombered out. Arun distinctly shifted gaze to the sofa tapestry. Her mummyji looked at her directly and pointedly. Meena had to be diplomatic. 

"Easy " said a voice inside her! 

" Mummyji, We do not burst Crackers", Meena stated this simply. 

"Our children do not celebrate? " 

That was a Dig. She stole a glance at Arun who briefly gave an apologetic stare. 

" We all are hungry, let us just have lunch. Zesha, pack this carefully will you? " She got up with the tea cups and snacks that were left uneaten. 

Arun automatically picked up few plates and followed her in the kitchen. 

" She has made a servant out of my Arun", sailed in her mummyji's lament. Her Daddyji woefully whispered "Don't start  now please. We have just come to enjoy and relax not find faults" 

"Your problem is you cannot see what I see. My son should have chosen much better" 

Voices trailed away. 

Meena kept the cups in the sink. Automatically turned to the Flour kneading. She hated when both set of parents came. Arun's folks made her uncomfortable and Her folks made Arun feel despair. She remembered the same words her father had said six months back "Our daughter should have chosen better" 

She had kept silent then, today Arun did. They had stopped expecting each other to defend the other. Both knew how powerless they were in front of their own parents. Her father too maintained, she was far more educated than Arun and could have made a great Career. She may have been out of job market but she was employed well through her workshops and talks. Working from home according to her father was a Self Delusional activity. He too took digs at him and Arun let it pass. Initially they fought over no defense stance. Gradually they understood their weaknesses and accepted. Apologised at best. 

They were happiest when they were foursome and friends flitted in and out. 

Visit of either set of parents was a nightmare. 

Arun took the plates and lay them on the table. 

"So you learned this job too. Amazing Arun! " came another dig! 

She continued serving Chapattis while family ate. Arun veered the conversation to relatives and upcoming events. For a while, she was forgotten. 

Afternoon was a silent time as they slept. 

Evening the kids refused to listen and took their Grandparents in the garden. By the looks her Father- in- law seemed pleased by the Peaceful Environment. 

Arun and his Dad sat chatting. Her mummyji however seemed Grim. 

"Does all this muck not get in the house and make it dirty? You do not even have a person to clean continuously? " another question

" It is not muck Daadiji, it is Compost. We get rich healthy fruits, flowers and vegetables from it. See... " Zesha enthusiastically corrected! 

Meena smiled. Zesha had picked up her pride. 

" You can buy all that from the Organic market, why waste time and place growing? " came the deliberate feigned query. 

" Oh Daadi you know, only what grows in your backyard is 100% organic rest all is fake! " supplied Ishaan with a conspiratorial wink at his grandma. 

Grandma was cornered. 

" And how many shall you grow? " 

" One person at a time, Few veggies at a time!"  chorused the kids. 

Kids had keenly picked up her Workshops that happened right there. 

Meena was proud. Inadvertently her children were fighting her battle. Without knowing the Consequences. 

Grandma's temper was rising. She shifted gears. 

" So can I make pickles here in your garden. Is there enough light and heat? " 

" Sure Daadi but what you want to make Choonda or Murabba? " Ishaan asked. 

That got a furrow on her head. 

"What is the Difference Ishu? ", asked Daadaji. He was amazed at the kids. 

Zesha supplied" One is what you make in the sun's light,  another on the artificial gas! Mom you know which is which... " 

" Oh God no! " Meena wanted to not be part of this conversation. 

Thankfully Arun entered just at the time. 

" Dad, I have fixed your appointment tomorrow morning with the Cardiac Specialist. He wants few tests" 

That had a worried look crease mummyji's face. 

"Tests? Why?? " 

" Here,  Doctors test to be sure. Nothing to worry. Chill ma!", Arun assured. 

"Daddy, let us make Rangoli. I will remove flowers from the fridge" Zesha hurried away. 

Arun had discovered his artistic side and indulged kids in making patterns with flowers. They lit up Diyas and prayed. Even Grandpa made a pattern or two. Grandma, too, cannot be excused. The whole house looked divine. Arun was happy with his parents and kids enjoying together. 

"Won't these flowers cause garbage and add to garbage? " mummyji asked the kids. The loaded emphasis on" garbage" was purposeful. 

" No daadi, we will add them in compost. We give back to Earth what we take" Ishaan offered innocently. The sarcasm bit lost on the little one. 

"Come on kids, time for Crackers. Arun, you will show kids how to leave a rocket? Your dad was an expert! " Mummyji went in her room to bring a bagful. 

The Glow from kids' face again dimmed. They looked at Meena. She knew, she had to take a stand. 

" Mummyji, we don't do that anymore. I did request you not to buy them" 

"Now we have! " 

" I cannot help that but no We will not burst them".

"Arun,Can your wife explain why our childrem should be deprived of Fun? " 

Arun braced for a full blown catastrophe now. There was war of wills and he did not know where to stand. 

Meena took a deep breath" Mummyji, why should we equate fun with crackers. Were we not having fun just now, all of us? Is being together and enjoying each other's company not fun? Is only shouting, screaming hoarse fun? In a moment all crackers are gone in the air thickly polluted!  " 

" So what will happen if we burst crackers a few, others are doing it anyways! " 

" Our Supreme Court has taken Cognisance of this evil and banned its sale. We are making irreversible damage when we take in that black emission. We cannot reverse the damage" Meena answered exasperated. 

"All our lives we have burst them, nothing happened " 

" Mummyji, have you ever checked the accident cases during Diwali, the rise in Asthma, Bronchial issues? " 

"I will be supervising them, Arun and your father-in-law will be there! Do you doubt us? Will we not take care?  Just because there are accidents, will you stop travelling? " 

" Mummyji travelling is a necessity, Bursting Crackers  is a choice! " 

" What will my children do, while others burst Crackers, they will mourn in the house! Just like your side people do? " 

This was getting personal. Daddyji rose up and went in his room. He looked red faced. Her children were witness to this shameful struggle on an auspicious Day. 

" Just now they are actually losing fun by seeing us argue. Please let us drop this" Arun interjected gently behind her. 

Meena felt the pressure of giving in. It was so easy to just let her go with children and have her so called "Fun" She was a mother and she had values to teach and principles to adhere too. 

"She wants to control everyone with her activism. What will you alone do by not bursting crackers? Whole world is doing it! "

Meena ushered the kids in their room. Arun brought a glass of water for both. 

" You have upset even your father- in - law. We came from Delhi to enjoy in Mumbai so we can atleast burst crackers here but you had to thwart me! " 

Meena knew when Gears were changed

" Is it possible mummyji that dad's weak lungs could be the reason of Constant pollution your city and my city faces? We feel, what is one day crackers but they do leave a long lasting impact on each one's health and longevity? " 

" So now you are blaming me for everything.What about all the money I spent on them? What you know value of money? You saw money after you married my son! "

"Where will that money be? In smoke. Not only crackers but their leftovers cause more smoke while disposing!" 

"Don't burst them next time but this batch I will... Zesha, Ishu come... We will see, how your mother stops us. If you do not want us Arun, you should have send us back at the airport. I can leave just now...!"

Ultimatums!

"No mom, Dad's appointment is there, you cannot leave. His pressure has increased already! "  a visibly upset Arun returned from his dad's room. 

" Why will it not increase, some respect we got. Tell him to come in the fresh Air and enjoy with us. He will feel better" 

Her mom- in - law began collecting the Cracker's bag. She went in the kitchen. 

"Zesha! Where do you keep your Candles? Help me out here" 

Zesha and Ishaan looked perplexed. 

Meena stood there. She could give in to end it. She felt humiliated and hurt. There her children were standing looking at the Human drama unfolding. Either ways she was standing stripped in front of her children. 

Her stand of #SayNotoCrackers was for good reason. Her children and next generation needed it. 

No amount of reasoning will work, she knew. 

She took a decision in a split second. Confrontation was anyways on. It can get no worse. 

She picked up the Bag and went to the terrace. She had a drum full of water to tend to plants. She dumped all the crackers in them. Zesha and Ishaan followed mutely. 

Her mother- in- law stood transfixed with anger. Cold, white anger. 

"You left me no choice, Whether you burst them or put them in the water. The waste is similar. I will not have my children take even a slimmer chance of accident. No matter what adult supervision is there, they happen and hurt for a lifetime " 

She came to the living room and started the TV. 

The Lung Care Department 's Head was urging people" Is bursting crackers the only way to enjoy Diwali?  Let us pledge to create a better Longevity. By bursting Crackers, you just reduce your longevity" outlining the harmful effects Delhi suffered last year. 

Only if each one of us Understood! Not only this but every Diwali will be Happy and Healthy Diwali for all! 

Sonnal Pardiwala.