I am 43 and from a Gujarati Household. From a young age we are introduced to the Art of Fasting. Fasting for a "Good Husband", Fasting for "Good Health", Fasting for getting a "Son", Fasting for Defeating Fate.
As children, we were part conditioned to believe an unbreakable connection of fasting and dsired results. We feebly questioned it too, but the women folk elder to us frowned so seriously that we dithered a bit but complied nonetheless.
We grew up on a diet of Steady Fasting.
Then I did the Unthinkable (for my parents)! Married a Man from a Parsee Community, where "Fasting" was an Alien Concept. If anything, they ate at every juncture. Birth, Marriage, Navjote, Death. Food was an inevitable element in their lives. They rever Food. Alternatively, I also learned their Art of Praying to deal with inevitabilities of life. They prayed simply and expected Gods to bless without having to twist and turn in the tummy zone. Their restraint as far as to refrain from eating Non-vegetarian food on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It was a Huge Sacrifice for a Parsee person!
No one expected me to Fast here. So Karva Chauth was a distant event in my life, happening in newspapers and Movies. Religion never came between the two of us. We enjoyed and Celebrated Everything. So did our two kids. They learned to recite prayers of both faiths and delicacies from both sides were devoured happily.
The Childhood Conditioning is strong though. At a critical juncture of grave medical Condition of my Husband's brush with Death, it surfaced. It was "Sankashta Chaturthi". The fourth day post full moon is dedicated to Lord Ganesha and Moon. I began that fasting, on that day. After a long struggle with Death and a financial upheaval, we swam to steady shores. This Fasting now remained in my psyche. I follow it sincerely ever since. No elaborate rituals. It is a quiet day as usual, with fast broken after sighting the moon.
This year, I jested that I dedicate the routine fast to you dear husband. It is the "Karva of Chauth".
Left it at that. Of course my kids wanted to know what it was and why it was such a debatable issue. We gave our humorous as well as serious takes on the day.
Since it was a Sunday, I decided to literally rest. Work was hectic so this day came in as a Boon on a Holiday. I requested my husband to fend for himself and the children. Three boys feasted on a nearby hotel delivery. I slept deeply the entire afternoon.
When I did get up, it was to few pleasant surprises. A glass of Lassi waiting, an apple cut and a cup of tea followed.
Still basking in the pampering, I was presented with a detailed dinner plan by husband dear.
"I am making your favourite Rice and Aloo Sabji since you prefer homemade food at the breaking of a fast..."
" Wow!" at not having to cook while I was wee bit tired and weak.
My husband while eating confessed,
" I thought, I will fast with you since it is Karva Chauth. I went in the kitchen in the morning to make tea and saw the biscuits. That's it. I could hold the hunger no more! I brought it out and ate it. So the next best thing I did was to "Cook for you, your favourite food!"
Is love not about celebrating and caring for each other in this intimate way? Fasting is not a part of his psyche. Caring is!
To cook for me, when I have not eaten the full day and keep things ready for me forms his highest offering. Offering love and care takes many forms in our lives. Instead of linking guilt and compulsion, if we allow each one to express care the best way he or she could, would this world not have love more and compunction less?
What he could not express in staying hungry for me, he expressed in doing what best he could. Remember what I like to eat, cook that very thing with tender love and thoughts.
This I believe was my best Chauth ever Karva or Otherwise!
-Sonnal Pardiwala
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