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Can we live without a relationship? No ,we cannot. It is an emotional necessity as much as food clothing and shelter and internet!
Yet it is
the most turbulent part of our daily life. Who complicates it?
We, The
Great!
Really? Yes
really!!! We, who take great pains to like maintain and repair our electronic
gadgets, like cell phones and laptops ,sadly whimper at the first challenge and
throw the baby out of the bath water or sometimes the entire Bath tub outta that
bathroom…too soon too fast.
Why would we
do that? Coz we are fools and love to Dramatize when it comes to maintaining
and repairing Human relationships.Understanding people seems to be our laziest zone! We handle our gadgets far better than
humans in our life.
We have
borrowed too much of modern day habble dabble dash nonsense about how
relationships ought to be.
Truth is…No
daily newspaper column, monthly lifestyle tip giving glossy, book or blog ( such as this) can determine
how a relationship shall unfold.
A
Relationship is an untold contract and the two people with their humble and mutual consent enter into it.
They decide the rules, amend them from time to time, abuse each other a little (
Stay with me guys –patience is the key word here ) love each other, hate each
other periodically, create memories and stay together or part with baggage
…carrying it forward into the future relationships…by far the most dangerous
killer of any twosome or is this “ Baggage” . We will get to
it…little later…
A little
common sense and we can build happier relationships…
Lets
take a Tour together
Hmm so you
have found the one from your dreams –the one you have a crush on and are unable
to say it…you do attention seeking…dressing up..talking loud…swirling in
frontways, sideways and allways…with no luck…
Work is
needed heavily on yourself. GOD endowed you with pretty hands to write your
texts and mails or good old letter…a mouth to speak and a brain to think. Why
have you used none of those??? If not now then when???
Life is too
short to regret. Either say it or get on with your life. I am sure you have
things to do in life other than preen pretty in front of your love interest.
Instead of wasting time, be direct and save time. You can save it for Romantic Mushy Days and Preen around when it will be worth it. Thumb Rule says: Two are needed to create a Relationship!
The next
stage also is equally hazy dazy. You have talked, got on each other’s Whatsapp
list. You check their “last seen” so frequently (if they have kept that visible
) but you wait for their text.
Now there
are two things that can happen.
The person is too busy or not interested in
this chat game of yours. After repeated text if the person gets back to
you with compulsory and mandatory boring smileys, it's time to take an
inventory…of yourself and suggest to yourself this
- This person is not finding you interesting enough and has other interesting gang to hook onto.
- This person has no clue that you in some corner of this Universe is waiting for his or her humble text…educate them for your sake !
In any case accept the ground reality by checking verbally with them
instead of playing word puzzles and guessing what thousand meanings hide in that reply, that may
mean nothing to them.
Getting down to the analogy of a cell phone or laptop. You try and read
the manual and get to know them. You have patience and acceptance that with
trial and error you will succeed…you will “get to know your gadget better”
But this is human relationship??? You just mumbled…right then…it means
It takes two to tango! Enlist the one who is giving consent and is willing…else
its only you …then it is not a relationship at allllll
.
This grounded approach shall help you cut faster into the long drawn
dramatic route that involves friends and other humans who love to add their own
toppings on the pizza! Play two and do not get in a zoo to get your “ Two some”
Let say you are now lucky enough to bind the twosome consent and mutual et al contract…Great!!!
Lucky bummers! Now comes in the patterns of being masculine and feminine
and switching roles. Accept that we are not perfect but we have baggage of our
past partners…Sadly we push the current ones into the mould where we tragically
narrate the “ poor me” syndrome and it is up to the poor partner to measure up
and prove “ They are different “ than the Baggage story…
Trouble in the paradise begins here…
Take the scanner onto you dear one..its you who were scorched in the past…something went wrong with you…why is the onus on this next person to
prove to you that you will not hurt?
It is a super fallacious thinking to think that no new hurt will be
incurred. Each time, you buy a new gadget, you begin with factory settings... from
scratch…you may download all your existing apps anew! What was done by you is
your own thing…why dump it on this next person? It is so daunting to have the
next one prove to be a nicer one than the previous one that you do not allow
this one to create their memories with you
“ My Boyfriend used to always flirt with my best friends Now you must not
talk to any of my friends!
LOGIC???
“My girlfriend was a Dominating one Now you must let me walk all over
you!! MANIPULATION!!!
“I am looking for the one who will never hurt me!
UNREALISTIC…IMPOSSIBLE
MISSION.
Accept yet again when two people tango…there is bound to be some …No! A lot of conflict.
Why???
Coz you are two different set of individuals…brought up in different
ways… ate differently, dressed differently, thought differently, handled challenges differently, challenge is to find a balance…
You found that peace and are probably moving towards that aisle or have
worked at the road but…..
There are and will be issues…
In-law issues…you may never be liked…
Finances…one may spend more …one may save more…
Chores…one may love to clean ..one may love to lounge forever…
Children…to raise this way or that? To have them or not!!! when to have them? Now or little later???
If there is love and patience things have to be brought on the
negotiation table…and effort should be made to find a midway…
"Do not sacrifice…make a choice and be comfortable with it.
Or do not make it at all."
Be sorted and grounded…and please buy this Modern day Jargon of Self love a tad
bit cautiously. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others!
We are talking relationship and it needs two to …well…
Before you begin to think what if there is a serious chasm of infidelity
growing under.
Choice is the key word here…Drama is the villain here…
Choose and work on it!
You walk out and rebuild your life.
You stay in and rebuild your life.
Think carefully !
Snides, Sarcasm, involving cruel battles with other members involved take
away your peace of mind, stunt your growth and retard your capacity to live
your life fully.
So your partner changed, chose again, broke your marriage vows…
It will take heavy work to accept and rebuild. With the same one or
without…
The key word is peace for yourself…Maturity is living life with loads of
common sense and fun.
Bitterness is an empty companion which makes the Air around us very stale and laces our interactions with unpleasant accents.
Life is so much to be enjoyed
rather than waiting to be discovered or appreciated .
Unless huge amounts of physical threats are involved ,every relationship
can be sorted out …
If you feel angry, yell! Scratch a bit, sulk, then talk…
If you feel hurt, cry, howl! Curl up in a corner, then talk...If you feel jilted, mourn! Understand, choose, then talk...If you feel shortchanged, think! Assess, clarify, then talk...If you want change, specify, clear guidelines with a talk...If you feel stagnant, make a plan, lay down rules and talk...
Do not just blame or worry…point fingers and hurl abuses without going
anywhere specific. We are human beings geared to live a happy life.Let us not
ruin it with our flair for drama and think of ourselves as the eternal ,sad, sanskaari one shown wrongly on the Tele shows.
We are humans…we change…every person is different than others…lay down
rules that make us happy…negotiate to get a win win situation…and build a
rocking twosome relationship!
By Sonnal Pardiwala,
Certified Angel Card Reader.
