Saturday, October 22, 2016

Befikre Dil Puts Me In Mushkil!

Our entire generation borrowed romantic notions from Bollywood. 

Our sense of chedchaad began with Dilip Kumar and Vyjayanthimala crooning ‘Ude jab jab zulfen teri…kunwaariyon ka dil machle’ with an equally nonchalant rejoinder “Teri chaal hai naagin jaisi…toh kese na nazar fisle?

Today, the Befikre couple jump on each other’s shoulder with- “I am Shyra…” A wildly smiling gal screams over a crowded background. Absolute abandon is described in the attitude that is light and fun!
Do not be so quick to jump in with judging that I am deriding either of the scenarios. Only as a quadragenarian, I am super confused and lost.

In our times, parents outsourced our gyaan of love to movies, hoping that we will pick up the by and by and understand what transpired when two flowers met and the camera zoomed out. We did not! We had major learning to do once we did become one of those flowers.

So here comes the modern trend of mocking the ‘hidden’ scenes and well, the Befikre couple has no holds barred show! Kissing comes so naturally and then I must thank them for educating my fifteen year old and ten year old with tools of love making! Why leave them to sneak in with fake IDs on YouTube for the same sex education when a flamboyant Ranveer and Vaani are all too glad to fix it for them. Then, would I have wanted to grow in this era or not?

Tough question!!!

We fell in love quite in a different way with each one of us first realising within us that “Hooo mujhe kisise pyaar ho gaya…pyaar ho gaya dil bekaraar ho gaya…” This was the first commitment to ourselves. The first pledge we made to ourselves. Our first “Aanknon Aankhon main karke ishaare kisne dil se kaha hum tumhare…” was our first acceptance that we are giving away our dreams to someone else.

Today the ‘assertive couple’ discusses over a cup of coffee or in the process of dressing and undressing stages. Often one of the partner, not willing to let go off the other agrees to “Rules will be no rules! Rules can be easily broken!” to the girl declaring after a healthy tumble in the bed “Look I have had a break up and so, no calls, I wanna be alone”.

Like eating food, drinking water, wearing clothes our carnal desires have to be assuaged on a daily basis with whosoever available. We were probably a little choosy and sipped our relationship and savoured all the flavours it offered. Things happened in the heart and were conveyed through eyes.

Here our Befikre couple is assessing, taking stalk of attractive organ paraphernalia like ‘asses’ which may or may not play a super vital role in the entire equation of relation. But we are ubercool, modern; we must impress ourselves as smart, whacky in control and vocab funk…


And silly me…I crooned years back when a relationship was imminent “Jaha bhi main jaati hun wahi chale aate ho…chori chori mere dil main samaate ho…yeh toh batao ke tum mere kaun ho?” and he would reply “Hum toh tere ashiq hain sadiyon puraane!!!” I probably had all the time in the world to get those phone calls and be romanced with “Tum bin jau kaha ke duniya main aake, kuch na fir chaha kabhi tumko chahke…”

Our Befikre couple seems to be in a hurry or commitment phobic. Ready to roll in parties and smooch but to commit deeply is such a cowardly act and heinous one that we must scoff at it! After all mirth is the virtue that you must perpetually don in your countenance if you wanna be called moderne

How can you even think marriage or a committed relationship? C’mon guys, we are in 2016, besides we need to stay away from any institutes that bind us permanently. Aakhir we needa reduce the population on the earth. We are supposed to be the precious last generation here!

Our Befikre couple says “Ne dis jamais je t’aime!” The new slogan of the present generation- you must never say those words. They are crap.

Our generation invested heavily in inventing indigenous ways of stating the Ultimate “Tu meri Chandni…” “Kehdo ki tum ho meri, varna…jeena nahi, mujhe hain marna…” We the unmodern ones ran with a feverish “Dekho kabhi na esa kehna dekho kabhi na esa karna…” We courted each other with “Kora kaagaz tha ye mun mera likh diya naam uspe tera…”

Today there is no courtship, only daring “I dare you” in an open car and “You are on” with a heavy wet lip lock.

My heart still meanders in those strains of “Bhul gaya sab kuch yaad nahi ab kuch Julie…I Love You!” and Julie’s passionate “Julie loves you…” sealed the bond forever. We flirted with each other and also fought. We sulked big time when hurt and we allowed to be cajoled back with either “Ruthe ruthe piya manao kese?” or “Dekho rutha na karo baat nazron ki suno…”

Our Befikre couple has no time for all this mushy “Maan jao…” routine. At the first sight of anyone offending anyone even minor way elicits a “grand break up and walk out” declaration. We are far too independent you see to either “ruth jaana” or “manana”! Who has the time or means? 

Our complaint modes were also so lyrical and filled with love for the other “Yaadon ko teri main dulhan banakar rakhunga dil ke paas…” or “Tumhe yaad karte karte…jaayegi umra saari…tum le gaye ho apne…sung neend bhi humaari…

Here we have the super dose of “We do not care for anyoneI will get over anything and anyone!”

Sex was but one part of our love equation and not the be all and end all or not separated as the ‘instalment culture’. That is why Kajol fell for Raj for he was willing to come home and win over her family to betroth her. HE not only proved to be someone who would follow his love across continents but also work out solutions to various problems life throws in. Every Simran looks for a Raj who would offer a strong shoulder to cry on and lean for a happy family. Tumbling in the bed came…well it was a private affair. Why would they let the world pry on it?  

Yes, we can be derided for not feeling super sexual like today but tell you what, we were sensuous! “Rup tera mastana pyar mera diwana!” is the sexiest and the most sensual rendition of the coming together. “Ab jo mile hain to bahon ko bahon mein rehne de ae sajna” to “Aj madhosh hua jaaye re mera mun mera mun sharaarat karne ko lalchaye re mera mun mera mun” We did contribute modestly to our population despite the repression or let us say open and public display of “buchhh and smurrrp”…

What then, am I mourning today? I am mourning the loss of a big banner of Yash Chopra that taught us to love, commit and demonstrate the deepest way two human beings committed, cared and went forward to define parameters for love, sacrifice and togetherness. Yash Chopra was the most modern man alive of our Era.

He brought “Kabhi Kabhi” to us where he spoke of sacrificing Love and learning to love again.

He gave us “Silsila” where we spoke about extra marital things and reconciling to fate. It was a rich romance whose songs are love anthems that are immortal even today.

He gave us ‘Lamhe” far far ahead of our times talking of a love union that was not age synchronised and we thought such a love possible too. It spoke of loyalty held for years and determined love winning over resistance of long held prejudice and hurt.

He brought Shiamak Davar’s group’s grandeur in “Dil To Pagal Hai” and a selfless sacrifice when the partners recognise that love has to be a two way street and give in to unite the lovers without hurt or rancour.

He gave us “Veer Zaara” that crossed borders and depicted a love that survived distance and transcended time and distance.

What, then, is the Yash Chopra banner dishing out to us in the name of cinema? 

Oh yes! There are exotic locales, contemporary lingo, but, I ask- is there a single song whose lyrics you take to heart and croon while you cook or is there a single strain that makes your knees go weak when they begin? 

After a while, an almost naked Ranveer (red shining underwear…really!!) too fails to have any hormonal effect. Put it down to laying it out too fast and too easily and for naught…

Life is not one grand party. There are things you look out for once the ‘Daawat’ is over. There have to be virtues that must come forth as the human drama unfolds of adjusting to flaws which imminently surface as a relationship progresses…expectations surface and needs arise outside the bed.

Oh, but I forgot they explicitly laid out the rules of the game- it’s a game that has rules now, weak rules that can be broken…that can be dissolved.
We had dreams simple and not very ambitious. “Jhilmil sitaron ka aangan hoga…rim jhim barasta saavan hoga…” Listen to the song. Poignantly it takes you on a tour of vows two souls ought to take “Teri aankhon se saara sunsaar main dekhungi…” “Prem ki gali main ek chota sa ghar bunayenge…kaliyan na mile, kaanto se sajayenge…” It was not bondage it was freedom to fly together “Phir toh must hawaaon ke jhoke bun jaayenge…” We merged into another and vowed “Zindagi na tute ladi pyaar karle ghadi do ghadi…” for like the Befikre couple reinstates life is too short and must enjoy every minute. We must be with someone who can say to you “Aaj se apna vaada raha, hum milenge harek mod par…” When one lost heart the other supported with “Lakh gehra ho saagar to kya pyaar se kuch bhi gehra nahin…”

Sadly, the Befikre couple shall never know this depth because they are so afraid to delve deeper that they keep skimming on the surface and at the first sign of push or pull, they break and run…those were the rules- not to stay when a challenge creeps in…

And silly us, we vowed “Tu jahan jahan, chalega…mera saaya, saath hoga…” “Janam Janam ka saath tha tumhara humara agar na milte is Jeevan main lete janam dobara…”

Relationship goals are changing but I daresay we were so busy falling in love over a long period of time that we saw the entire individual…we had no time for asses (pun intended). For when my partner sleeps with me I would want his loving warm hug. He can keep his ass where it belongs and in whatever shape it was, we kinda lived with it, part of the package you see! In our romantic world that kind of defiant ass watching was a waste of time or never invented maybe. I tried staring at my husband’s …did not appeal much though or rather had no apparent attraction. So jaane dete he is baat ko! (Mind you he is a handsome dude, slim and fit)

Love is felt in the heart and for me love is a long term commitment. You may have a lot of parties and lot of fun changing partners (be careful with STDs though) but that one person is needed, who will wipe your tears even when he or she is the reason. You need a person to scream at, besides your maid or assistant. (Sarcasm intended…we all have non designer days) You need to work around your eccentricities and make his or her ones your own. 

You need to fall out of love and fall in love again. You need to forgive and learn to hate and forgive. You need to feel bored and shake the stagnancy. Long after the hormonal rushes ebb…long after the party is over...long after the working hours are done…long into a rainy night you needa have someone to croon to “Zindagi aur kuch bhi nahin teri meri kahani  hain…

Let us raise a generation who learns to love for a long term and not make weak breakable rules and make this delicate emotion of love into a flimsy game to be played and abandoned when it gets difficult. Let us teach them to sing…

Tere mere sapne ab ek rang hain…vo jaha bhi le jaaye raahe hum sang hain…

Coz in love you grow with the individual. Your dream and my dream merge into our dreams. We forge a bond and promise each other “Main na bhulunga main na bhulingi in rasmon ko in kasmon ko in rishtey naaton ko…

Mr. Aditya Chopra,

The trailer of Befikre, then, fills me up with complete disappointment. Being modern means adapting newer ways for sure not cooking up badass dialogues to create shock valueYou have a legacy to treasure and guard! Reinvent like your Dad did. He brought in new and fresh concepts but never did he need to resort to flimsy and flaky flicks in cinema. Please bring love back on screen that stays in my heart where I can say to my children ‘Haan yahi pyaar hain…

Do not let me feel that with the demise of this Love guru, love has vanished from Indian Cinema!

By Sonnal Pardiwala

**Images used are only for representational purpose. The author claims no rights over the same.**

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