Playback Theatre ~ Ghummakad!👏👼

Ghum Ghum Ghum Ghummakad!

                                

Therapeutic Catharsis happens to you all the time. Sometimes we seek it professionally. Maybe we find our Release, and maybe not. 

Some search in Counselling Interactions from friends or professionals. Some search in spiritual pursuits. Some find them in books. 

Some like us flow with the life incorporating all forms of experiences and surrendering to daily routine of earning and expanding our experiences as and when we can.

Life for Me and my Better half Nozzer, began, lets say pretty recently. Until a few years, we simply reacted and drifted. We bore scars from traumatic events. Now when we look back, some trauma might have been karma and some we unreasonably created. Some trauma we felt we healed, some bitterness we felt will remain with us as unpleasant part of ourselves. 

True healing comes at the moment when you can playback your memories with peace and put things into perspective. We are humans and many a times we only retain and remember those strains of memories exactly to serve our dramatic purposes. 

Playback Theatre, specifically, Ghummakad Group led by Chetnaa Mehrotra was such a revealing experience that unexpectedly but sensitively brought a Sensitive and Much needed "Closure"  for me. 

To give a quick introduction. I and Nozzer were childhood sweethearts (If you consider 17 as child) - 

Diverse religions and upbringing. We married in early twenties. Family angst festered high. His folks were unable to accept a girl from an outside fold. During a critical juncture my husband was hospitalised and things took worse turns. 

Immediate family of his withdrew support. 27 days I fought for his life invoking my Gods and praying for the three month old baby inside me. He survived miraculously but life had to show us the ugly side to human greed. Our business premises were captured by his sister and mother. Only our room remained with us. With a ten day old baby I had to decide to take full time work along with a husband who had battled death. His body had taken a huge toll due to unwanted surgeries.

 Emotionally too, he was alienated by his immediate family. But we got through. Made a living. Created our own house but each time we fought these bitter episodes were expertly utilised to hurt. We healed a bit and hurt a lot and healed. Spiritually too I sought explanations and clarity. Found a bit and yet I knew. Something still remained incomplete. There was blame and guilt and bitterness ready to raise its vitriolic presence.

We began home-schooling our kids couple of years back. It brought tons of peace and newer philosophy. We learned to relax and enjoy. We learned to ask questions. Claim our creative self. 

We learned to meet new people and I am glad I met Chetnaa as part of a Home-schooling Forum. She invited us for her Playback. Curious, we went; and Grateful and Alive we came back never to walk on the Bitterness Zone. 

We had no idea what it was. 

We sat expecting some sad long winding wordology that intellectuals come up with... 

To my absolute thrill and making me still, Chetnaa broke into a song... 

I had goose bumps.. I realised I had lost that "Uninhibited part" of me that can Sing and Dance. Being a Gujarati, Garba was a favourite form in childhood. 

Fighting with life I had left it behind somewhere. 

Something shifted... And I smiled and surrendered to enjoying. 

I saw films and theatre, they rarely touch the chord that is at the core. 

Here there were live folks listening deeply without judgement our life stories... Deeply so... And enacting exactly as it unfolded and as they interpreted... 

I opened up and shared my inner being. That story which I had myself forgotten

In the larger struggle territory the young girl who fell in for a young boy with stars  in their  hearts. 

The first song our heart created... The first naive promises we made... The struggle.. Mohammed mirrored my young Nozzer 's Vulnerable promise to love forever, to be together...

As the playback artists one by one made alive our naive vows, our hardships... It hit me gently... 

We are Together... What a long path and life changing decisions we made... 

We have such a lovely life! 

Seeing myself out there on stage was Healing beyond explanations. 

It brought closure for me. 

It dawned on me which parts to keep and I shed the bitter parts. 

Hell! I appeared a cute woman as Durgeshwari caught and reflected my story. 

Mohammed made Nozzer an adorable and Desirable partner and I realised what an utter waste to blame and hurt such a nice guy. 

The playback artists on a Spiritual level made us meet and Unite.. We were together, yet an awkwardness was seeping in as certain forgiveness remained to be sought and to be Given. 

We forgave each other that Day. I found love again and a part of me. Authentic and easy going. There was no need to prove and no need to be afraid of judgement. Why Defend... Why be afraid.?Why not just live??? 

As a writer I began spilling out short stories that tapped human pathos...As a person I relaxed to have room for you and me. 

Then, we invited Chetnaa for Playback in our Class.

Other stories did unfold but remarkable one to be told was of my Shahaan. As my Elder one joined College, Younger Shahaan missed him. As a mom I saw him pining for him. I knew not what to do. 

That day when the little one's misery found its voice in The Artists tears... Everyone including me, Shahen and Shahaan and the audience and Artists burst into tears. 

Stories are not only the ones that are unusual... It is found in usual stuff... Daily fleeting feeling... Which goes unnoticed. 

My Shahaan found an eloquent way to relate to his elder brother "I miss you so much when you are not around..."

I am Grateful for the artists deep understanding and communicating to Shahen all the Love Shahaan had. They already bond well. This took to another level. Shahen now no longer views as idle clinging or empty complain but palpable emotions of Shahaan. 

Understanding Deepens and bonds forged are life long. Shahaan feels a closure that his feelings were correctly and sensitively conveyed. What Joy and deep sense of Satisfaction the little one feels. Only I as a mother could know. It set Shahaan free to love and accept himself for he feels heard, understood and Valued. 

Thank you...

Chetnaa Mehrotra

Mohammed Khan 

Preeti Upadhyay

Manda Bhagat

Arti Bhandari

Durgeshwari Sharma 

Loads and Loads of love from a Mom and a Human who no longer uses the bitter phrases to hurl during arguments instead silence is a better healer I have found that can iron out things

Love Love and Much love

SONNAL PARDIWALA

Relationship Musings- Aim for Peace!

Watch: 

         

Can we live without a relationship? No ,we cannot. It is an emotional necessity as much as food clothing and shelter and internet!

Yet it is the most turbulent part of our daily life. Who complicates it?

We, The Great!

Really? Yes really!!! We, who take great pains to like maintain and repair our electronic gadgets, like cell phones and laptops ,sadly whimper at the first challenge and throw the baby out of the bath water or sometimes the entire Bath tub outta that bathroom…too soon too fast.

Why would we do that? Coz we are fools and love to Dramatize when it comes to maintaining and repairing Human relationships.Understanding people seems to be our laziest zone!  We handle our gadgets far better than humans in our life.

We have borrowed too much of modern day habble dabble dash nonsense about how relationships ought to be.

Truth is…No daily newspaper column, monthly lifestyle tip giving glossy, book or blog ( such as this) can determine how a relationship shall unfold.

A Relationship is an untold contract and the two people  with their humble and mutual consent enter into it. They decide the rules, amend them from time to time, abuse each other a little ( Stay with me guys –patience is the key word here ) love each other, hate each other periodically, create memories and stay together or part with baggage …carrying it forward into the future relationships…by far the most dangerous killer of any twosome or  is this “ Baggage” . We will get to it…little later…

A little common sense and we can build happier relationships…

Lets take a Tour together

Hmm so you have found the one from your dreams –the one you have a crush on and are unable to say it…you do attention seeking…dressing up..talking loud…swirling in frontways, sideways and allways…with no luck…

Work is needed heavily on yourself. GOD endowed you with pretty hands to write your texts and mails or good old letter…a mouth to speak and a brain to think. Why have you used none of those??? If not now then when???

Life is too short to regret. Either say it or get on with your life. I am sure you have things to do in life other than preen pretty in front of your love interest.

Instead of wasting time, be direct and save time. You can save it for Romantic Mushy Days and Preen around when it will be worth it. Thumb Rule says: Two  are needed to create a Relationship!

The next stage also is equally hazy dazy. You have talked, got on each other’s Whatsapp list. You check their “last seen” so frequently (if they have kept that visible ) but you wait for their text.

Now there are two things that can happen.

 The person is too busy or not interested in this chat game of yours. After repeated text if the person  gets back to you with compulsory and mandatory boring smileys, it's  time to take an inventory…of yourself and suggest to yourself this

•        This person is not finding you interesting enough and has other interesting gang to hook onto.
•        This person has no clue that you in some corner of this Universe is waiting for his or her humble text…educate them for your sake !

In any case accept the ground reality by checking verbally with them instead of playing word puzzles and guessing what  thousand meanings hide in that reply,  that may mean nothing to them. 

Getting down to the analogy of a cell phone or laptop. You try and read the manual and get to know them. You have patience and acceptance that with trial and error you will succeed…you will “get to know your gadget better”

But this is human relationship??? You just mumbled…right then…it means

It takes two to tango! Enlist the  one who is giving consent and is willing…else its only you …then it is not a relationship at allllll

.

This grounded approach shall help you cut faster into the long drawn dramatic route that involves friends and other humans who love to add their own toppings on the pizza! Play two and do not get in a zoo to get your “ Two some”

Let say you are now lucky enough to bind the twosome consent and mutual et al contract…Great!!!

Lucky bummers! Now comes in the patterns of being masculine and feminine and switching roles. Accept that we are not perfect but we have baggage of our past partners…Sadly we push the current ones into the mould where we tragically narrate the “ poor me” syndrome and it is up to the poor partner to measure up and prove “ They are different “ than the Baggage story…

Trouble in the paradise begins here…

Take the scanner onto you dear one..its you who were scorched in the  past…something went wrong with you…why is  the onus on this next person to prove to you that you will not hurt?

It is a super fallacious thinking to think that no new hurt will be incurred. Each time, you buy a new gadget, you begin with factory settings... from scratch…you may download all your existing apps anew! What was done by you is your own thing…why dump it on this next person? It is so daunting to have the next one prove to be a nicer one than the previous one that you do not allow this one to create their memories with you

“ My Boyfriend used to always flirt with my best friends Now you must not talk to any of my friends!

 LOGIC???

“My girlfriend was a Dominating one Now you must let me walk all over you!! MANIPULATION!!!

“I am looking for the one who will never hurt me!

 UNREALISTIC…IMPOSSIBLE MISSION.

Accept yet again when two people tango…there is bound to be some …No! A lot of conflict.

Why???

Coz you are two different set of individuals…brought up in different ways… ate differently, dressed differently, thought differently, handled challenges differently, challenge is to find a balance…

You found that peace and are probably moving towards that aisle or have worked at the road but…..

There are and will be issues…

In-law issues…you may never be liked…

Finances…one may spend more …one may save more…

Chores…one may love to clean ..one may love to lounge forever…

Children…to raise this way or that? To have them or not!!! when to have them? Now or little later???

If there is love and patience things have to be brought on the negotiation table…and effort should be made to find a midway…

"Do not sacrifice…make a choice and be comfortable with it.

Or do not make it at all."

Be sorted and grounded…and please  buy this Modern day Jargon of Self love a tad bit cautiously. Be nice to yourself and be nice to others!

We are talking relationship and it needs two to …well…

Before you begin to think what if there is a serious chasm of infidelity growing under.

Choice is the key word here…Drama is the villain here…

Choose and work on it!

You walk out and rebuild your life.

You stay in and rebuild your life.

Think carefully !

Snides, Sarcasm, involving cruel battles with other members involved take away your peace of mind, stunt your growth and retard your capacity to live your life fully.

So your partner changed, chose again, broke your marriage vows…

It will take heavy work to accept and rebuild. With the same one or without…

The key word is peace for yourself…Maturity is living life with loads of common sense and fun.

Bitterness is an empty companion which makes the Air around us very stale and laces our interactions with unpleasant accents.

Life is  so much to be enjoyed rather than waiting to be discovered or appreciated .

Unless huge amounts of physical threats are involved ,every relationship can be sorted out …

If you  feel angry, yell! Scratch a bit, sulk, then talk…

If you feel hurt, cry, howl! Curl up in a corner, then talk...

If you feel jilted, mourn! Understand, choose, then talk...

If you feel shortchanged, think! Assess, clarify, then talk...

If you want change, specify, clear guidelines with a talk...

If you feel stagnant, make a plan, lay down rules and talk...

Do not just blame or worry…point fingers and hurl abuses without going anywhere specific. We are human beings geared to live a happy life.Let us not ruin it with our flair for drama and think of ourselves as the eternal ,sad, sanskaari one shown wrongly on the Tele shows.

We are humans…we change…every person is different than others…lay down rules that make us happy…negotiate to get a win win situation…and build a rocking twosome relationship! 

By Sonnal Pardiwala, 

Certified Angel Card Reader.

Your Query: Cards Reply

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Abundance is a coveted situation by all. It does not mean only money or material additions.  It also means manifesting opportunities which have been harboured deep inside. Pray deeply and hold on tight. Do not wait to be "Discovered". While you wait for your dreams to present themselves in front of you, keep on sharpening your skills and practising your craft. 

At a juncture like this, cards were invoked and they could never have been as accurate. Their predictive magic astounds and reassures. 

They came up with a message that the querent is at the threshold of getting a piece of news that will bring in BUSIER times.  A THICK VEIN of possibilities and abundance is likely to open up. The Third Card however speaks of loss and stagnant projects.  

On an intuitive note, the card was respectfully kept back and another card was picked. The card that came forth was of "Positive Recognition" 

For the uninitiated it may mean a rejection of angel messages.  To us it signifies a deliberate declaration of "Free Will" to invoke happier endings to our life's scripts. 

Sure enough and to deepest surprise of the querent, a phone call  offering a manifestation of a long cherished dream came through.  The work done so far had generated trust enough to merit a bigger assignment from the Universe and Mortal  World. 

Cards are super accurate, clear in their messages.  They offer potential events and depending on the free will choices exercised, the life scripts progress. 

This particular card reading was by far the most rewarding and interactive and blessed for the reader and the querent. Hope it blesses and inspires those who read  the blog. 

For queries drop in a DM(direct message) on any of the Social Media Handles of Facebook, Twitter, Instagram!

GIVE  angels a specific query and they would love  to interact. Share the  video and blogs and goodwill for those who may wish to connect. 

For a detailed analysis, a personal session is recommended. Contact if you feel you are willing to communicate with the Higher Realm with Love, Affection and a purposeful perspective! 

                                                                                                  -Sonnal Pardiwala

                                                                                                   Certified Angel Card Reader

Does It Matter?

A question that needs to be asked…by each Parent!

Mrs Dubey,

You are requested to come and see me immediately regarding your daughter’s progress.

Regards.

Read the note of her eight year old Grishma’s tuition teacher. Her heart started beating fast at the thought of a meeting with her ward’s teacher. God knows what she will get to know about her child. She looked at her tiny girl playing in the balcony terrace with her dolls. She was making a doll house for them. She called her out. “Grishu, darling tell me how are your studies going on?” Grishma made a sombre face and nodded and went back to her doll house.

She sighed and looked around her house. There were some utensils lying in the sink. She needed to sort out her wardrobe, she had to send her girl’s uniform for ironing...she had dinner to cook! Her endless chores stared at her and her husband had yet to return from his out station trip. She got little help in her house chores except the top servant who was regularly irregular.

Irritated at her own state of affairs, she picked up her cell phone to distract herself for a while. There was regular round of selfie updates and usual posts on various happenings. She came upon her regular card reader’s updates and stopped. She meant to send her a message to do a live reading for her on various occasions and had somehow prevaricated…today she just felt a tad bit too low and on an impulse she decided she would send that message she meant to.

She came on that page and wrote a short heart felt write up on all that was pulling her down. She knew they  were not colossal problems yet they were pressing her down just the same. She could talk to her friends and she had but they would come up with answers that were not so satisfactory.

"Oh! Keep a cook." ( Her husband was okay with that but her daughter felt food should be cooked by mumma only!)

"Children are lazy" (She knew her little one was a diligent worker . She was anything but lazy)

"Keep a full time servant for day work and she will take care of your child too!"( Expensive option and untrustworthy)

So, she wrote to her hoping that she will have to wait for a long time and maybe will get the  positive dope of  usual spiritual stuff.

To her surprise her cell vibrated and there was a short message that there will be a blog and a live update on her query. There was assurance no names will be taken! Her mood lifted and she felt good at having a response this fast. It made her feel so…wanted. 

Nothing more was asked of her ,only that an update but no names will be taken and she had seen her previous updates she knew the advice will be to the point and yet anonymous!

Rest of the day was spent on daily chores and the regular getting through. She decided to meet the teacher the following day. She kept checking the cell phone as she knew that the blog could be up any time and she wanted to be the first one to read and see it.

Next day went in a rush of morning tiffins and stuff. She felt so out of control of everything. The tiffin she made had brought a wrinkle from her child. She had spilled milk on the kitchen table and  it needed heavy cleaning. By the time she finished all of that and frustrated and flustered she picked up her cell phone. To her delight, she saw the blog and live update. The voice was firm but clear and…humphhhhh…what an advice she had dished out!

Take it easy…everything need not be in your control all the time…Next time ask

“How much does this matter? Can this be really as monumental as it seems? In the long run of life how essential is this? Can I have an alternative to this?”

She was promising that things will change once you begin asking these gentle questions to yourself whenever you are stressed.

She felt happy that someone had taken the time to dwell on her situation and do a live update and even blog on it. She read it dutifully, sent in her thank you message and decided to let it pass. She will keep this knowledge to herself. No one needs to know her little experiment with Card reading. 

She looked at the Card that showed a Dolphin jumping smoothly into the waters…for her to be able to glide like that it must require some amount of trust on the natural forces to take their own course. 

As humans however we were not Dolphins and we could not dive in and out of water and live life. Well, we had to…do things…like go and have that uncomfortable meet with the tuition teacher and hear what she has to say.

She collected her Grishma and decided to go meet the teacher when she was on her way home. She  can leave her to the class thereafter and get on with life. She cannot take it easy as suggested , but the words kept going around  her mind.

She was ushered in the cabin of the class teacher where the petite woman came in with an air of importance, I have so many important things to do!

"Good afternoon Mrs. Dubey I am glad you came."

"Yes ma’am tell me how is Grishma doing?"

"Oh she is OK…but in Maths she keeps making silly mistakes which I think are so expensive!” She continued putting papers in front of her of all the class tests she had taken.

“History- she lost one mark in Fill in the blanks and Geography, she could have done better in Diagrams….but what worries me…" she chewed on her lip.

Mrs. Dubey waited with a sense of foreboding at the verdict about to come in.

“She just cannot memorize the last paragraph of the English poem. I am so sure she will get 48/50 as this poem is going to come for two marks…”

Just then her cell rang and she excused herself …leaving Mrs.Dubey with her Child’s predicament.

And the words “Take it easy…ask how important this is in the long run?”

And she stopped…for that moment to do just that…typically she would have apologised and called out Grishma and asked her to do better, work harder…would have promised to the teacher to look into the matter seriously…would have fired herself for not paying attention!

But today in that moment she decided to ask…How important it is if the child did not really mug up the two paragraphs? What if she got one mark less in Math…She looked closely at the papers and almost admired the neat work and lovely handwriting.

Maybe the teacher from her standpoint had to ensure full marks and pull up students to do better. She was a mother…Does she need to buy that philosophy?

Her teacher was back from probably another round of feedback to some other parent over the phone. She looked at Mrs. Dubey anticipating defensive outrage or assurance.

Mrs Dubey decided to give None! She simply asked “Can I take Grishma with me early, we have to go out.” The teacher looked a little taken aback. But she nodded and called for Grishma. The girl looked sheepish, tired and a little scared.

God!!! What impact this meeting was having on this little soul? She was shrinking expecting a scolding or lecture from both the ladies. She wanted to hug her girl and tell her the infamous Philosophy the Cards had given her “Take It Easy My Child” As an adult she had lost this ability to step back and assess her situation in a different light. She had become a robot in just giving automatic and expected reactions to various situations , without really giving it a thought to how it is shaping us …how it is making us go in a one way zone to stress!

She had to admit to herself that she would automatically pass this same responses to her girl as she grows up. Were the two marks so important that her daughter should cringe and think that she is unimportant?

She decided she will change her outlook and first she had to relax her angel. She came home and instead of asking her to go get her homework sheets she suggested that they sit at the terrace on the swing with a milkshake. Grishma looked surprised and relaxed a bit. All the way she was expecting reprimands.

"Grishu your teacher said you are not able to learn a poem para..."

"Yes mom I am  trying…came the earnest rejoinder…"

“How would you feel if you get 48/50 instead of 50/50 ?”

Grishma shrunk but something in her mom’s relaxed posture or wide Grin made her bewildered…she kept silent…

“ What will happpeeennn…Volcano will erupt?...oh Grishuuuu…its ok darling…chill sweetheart…I know you think I will shout but…let us just say…it is ok…if you like…lose few marks…but I do not want you to lose this charming smile and furrow your brow…we will work but we will take it easy…hmmm???”

We will take it easy mom…yes…I love you…

Grishma launched herself into her mom’s lap and kissed her on the cheeks...milkshake of rose reeking…and shaking the Swing…

That evening they talked about so many things and studied a bit …Grishma seemed so happy at the change…she slept with a smile and a promise she will try harder…too which she said…

“No sweetiepie…Take it easy…”

Before sleeping ,she send another smiley round of thank you to this unknown person who had added quality and a formula to no stress…

No long winding philosophies …a simple perspective!

Cards had helped her look at life a bit differently and that was a positive dope…

Tomorrow will be another day with the challenges more or less the same…but she will say  “Take it easy…how monumental is it? Is there a different way?”

There always is!!!

                                                              -by Sonnal Pardiwala

PURANA SONA - Short Film

Watch Now-    PURANA SONA 

We lived in a world where Entertainment was Clean ,Wholesome and Touched upon Social issues close to an Average person's life!

We lived when Music was linked to ‪#‎ChaayaGeet‬ n ‪#‎Chitrahaar‬ on TV.

We lived in an era where using"Cuss Words" was not yet Cool. We overheard them in trains and bridges from Drunkards...only they used such words...‪#‎Culturedupbringing‬ Forbade profanity to drive your point!

We waited for Ashok Kumar to give his smiling sermon after ‪#‎Humlog‬.

Our ‪#‎Lajoji‬ was epitome of Feminine grace!

Our Rajni was Fiery and Righteous...

Our Gang of Hooligans were sweet ..slightly annoying...Nukkad Gang!

Our National Integrity sprung from "MileSur Mera Tumhara" 

Our ‪#‎Shortfilms‬ were Animated ‪#‎ChidiyanGilahari‬ n Voiceovers....Come n Take a Nostalgic Walk down the lane You and I walked and Assess where we plan to Lead Next Gen...or simply sing "Ye jo he Zindagi Thodi Khatti Thodi Meethi" ....

Yes we go forward n onward with the Wealth that was Yesterday!

Sonnal Pardiwala 

#puranasona #shortfilm only on

 India's youngest YouTube channel bLOGiMLY

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3HIs4eQXGTM

YourQuery-CardsReply.

Young life is an exciting, dreamy phase! You want love and independence both. As each pal walks down the aisle or walk round the sacred fire with the forever vows, you yearn to know when you shall walk down that path and taste the bliss.

We have Gentle friends among our Cards and today they explore a query from one such young one, as to “When shall marriage happen? When shall the soul mate string their soul’s music? If at all look at what is blocking the whole process?”

Naturally, the Go to deck was “Romance Angels Cards”!

They had the coolest of conversations with a thumbs up sign!  

Here is what they have to say…to this query and to all the soul mate seekers in general.

First reassuring message is to be optimistic about love life. Too many young hearts get so easily  disheartened too soon.

First and foremost, infuse your heart and being with Faith and positive expectations. Being in the state of readiness to receive your life’s gifts facilitate their manifestation into our lives. So first believe with deep trust that you are attracting at this very moment your life mate and circumstances are so synchronizing each moment to get the two of you together. Each day hold a thought for your love life flourishing and materializing in all its tenderness.

What might be the Blocking element?

Two cards “Flirt” and “ Trust” came in . Often young folks do start out at the lighthearted stage of Flirting with a potential partner and stay there preventing the relationships from progressing into further stages due to issues related to trust. There may be a past experience that may hold you back from trusting completely and allowing the warm feelings to reach the heart. This too puts a strain on the mate to consistently keep proving the love and care they have for them. It can get strenuous to keep furnishing emotional evidence instead of exploring the various layers of delicious Amour. Kindly look at those hidden tiny darts of suspicion and  distrust  that are creeping in and do not allow you to surrender fully.

Each person has in their blue print of life a mate who will nourish them and fulfill them with lots of love and such a relationship is worth waiting for. Work on issues that might be getting in your way of materializing a lovely soul mate. If you do, dear one, cards suggest that the turn of this year is the best time when you would have weeded out the unwanted obstacles, worked sufficiently and created that readiness which will herald a beautiful process of permanent sealing of a long standing relationship.

Cards wish you all the love and luck and a wonderful soul mate soon. Stay ready and accept all that is offered. 

Changing Waves...

"Everyone in my grade has a boyfriend. I want a Boyfriend too!! " expresses an eighth grader  Megha ,petulantly to her mother.
They were arguing over an expensive short skirt the Girl wanted to purchase and Mom naturally wanted to avert this purchase. There was an upcoming Birthday party and though Mom felt , Megha had tons of clothes ...Megha was persistent.
The rejoinder had come to mom's query "Why do you need one more skirt? What do you want to achieve exactly?"
Mom dear had no idea how to now Rise up to this New Declaration that the Girl had thrown her way. There was stunned Silence while Megha sulked and refused to eat her lunch.
Mom Withdrew into her own thoughtful Silence for she too was thrown off guard .
"Boyfriend??? "
Exactly how on the earth her little girl could have one at this juncture of life ??
Was it something you went to the Super Market and get for her Girl because she was throwing a Tantrum???
Was it a Tantrum??
She was aghast at the idea of Her girl strutting her stuff to win Male attention!!!
Her heart constricted at the thought of her little girl in the Arms of a Guy in all those clothes...the so called Modern outfits everyone wore!!
Oh God!!! Where she had gone wrong?? If her in-laws were to hear this plea...they would blame her for all the freedom ( according to them) she bestowed!!!
With so many rape Cases she was hearing what was she going to do???
How can she stop her?
She was so young and nubile and had just got her Menstrual cycles six months back!
She would have to follow her to check on her friends.
What kind of shameless girls is she interacting with? What are they doing in school ...no wonder so many proxy periods, it gives them all kind of time to be up for all kinds of mischief!!!
She decided to change the school and stop her from meeting any of her friends.
She almost felt like the Witch who locked up "Rapunzel" in a tower . Even if that did not work that many years ago what chances were there that it will work Today???
Temptations were all over. She had already Deactivated Megha's all Social media accounts. What more should she do to Dam her Girl's precociousness???
Till now she had a Map guide to direct her How she did her Homework? How to deal with Exams? She dipped into her own childhood experience bank to guide her but now...

She was hysterical and in a fit of desperation she decided to meet Megha's Tuition Teacher Arpana. She was a Counselling Source for many of her anxieties. Though she had misgivings of discussing private issues,she had to risk it.
As she was ushered in the room ,she burst into Tears and Angry betrayed outburst. She felt, she no longer knew her Daughter.
"I want to change her school" said a Mom with sparks flying in her eyes of anger doubt and distrust "She is upto no good,is that what we send her to school for? To get a boyfriend???"
"How in the world will I speak about Sex education? I cannot even discuss Sanitary pads with her??? her voice edged on hysteria.
"My In-laws will blame me for raising such a characterless Girl" Tears glistened at the edge of her eyes.
"Mrs Choksi, How many schools do you think you will change?" came a cool soft voice that kind of calmed her sense.
This was one thought even she had at the back of her mind. Now it was mirrored in the soft reserved collected pose of Arpana.
"I want you to hear me out a little hmm??"
She silently agreed...she had no choice and she had said all that she wanted to.
"Every school will have children of your Megha's age and the Girl boy attraction is universal across all cultures...
"..but when we were in eighth we did not go around seeking Boyfriends...!!!" she interjected acidly
"Think carefully Mrs Choksi we all had our fair share of crushes...people we liked...only our parental expectations were stringent and we knew it so not all of us expressed it super vividly...We as parents are lot more liberal in hearing our kids various expressions ...think back to your childhood you knew your Mother or Father never opened their communication channels wide enough to allow any talks more than what marks did you get ?? You will go to this College and take this stream! Matter closed! This willbe done and you had to do"
"I hated so many of their decisions so I promised I will spare my children such treatment" she added.
"True and so your communication channels are wide to allow your child to express her innermost desire..."
"But this is so disagreeable...People will think she is characterless!!!"
"Mrs Choksi...for a minute let us simply understand where your child comes from! She is growing up and becoming aware of her Feminine self. When she means boyfriend she wants special attention that validates her. It brings her appreciation from her fellow mates . As yet she does not mean it in sexual context at all though that time shall come soon too!"
Her eyes widened with Disbelief ...
"I am not affirming or dismissing her...all I am pointing out is her thought process. Wearing a certain make up...certain type of clothes...talking a certain way must be accepted way in their group of fellow beings who hang out together"
"Yes,all girls in her group wear atrociously short clothes"
"Mrs Choksi, labelling brings no solution. "
"How can one wear such clothes?? They are not even comfortable!" she almost yelled
"Megha wears them comfortably I suppose...Does she shop independently?"
"No , I and her Dad shop with her but till now she was young so it was ok but now she is growing..." her voice trailed as she realised her own trail of thought.
"It is the accepted dress code for Her groupies today...how will you make the Discernment between the moment she was young and the moment she is growing???"
She continued "You cannot lock her up too"
Mrs Choksi was getting agitated by the minute. "I will tell her father to take over,I am done with all this"
"Mrs Choksi, we as parents must see this time as an adolescent Wave...Children are passing through ups n downs...if we traverse with them...we will still be with them...if not we will lose them in the vast ocean of life...forever..."
Mrs Choksi was silent...absorbing
"We too were young ...we went through infatuations and relationships though in a hushed manner but we did. We like to pretend we were flawless but we had our fair share of turbulences when we would have wished our parents hear and understand us. Today our children are at the same delicate stage of Adolescence,Curiosity... Trials n Errors of relationships, choices...they deal with more as Sexuality and Such stuff is "in their face" all the time through social Media and such Avenues"
We need to look at our children without labelling and threatening...and yet setting limits...not after...but before ...
"They throw tantrums and do not listen to us"
"Sometimes they do not I agree ...but when we communicate ourselves as vulnerable parents willing to listen and Speak...we might forge a balanced relationship with our offspring...share our concerns too instead of being strong all the time...Say what is acceptable and share consequences if there is Discontent and Dissent. "
Each child is unique and each household unique...Each parent will have to undergo this trial and error with their children but most important offer understanding and share a conversation instead of sulk offs or Ultimatums...They are exercising their power too...Feel in Control and let them feel in control too...
Mrs Choksi realised that a Monumental tide of Change awaited her...it was a tall order to raise a young girl...for she will have to shed her old patterns and adopt new...she will have to learn to be her Girl's friend so she needs less of a Boy friend...but most importantly accept her need for a boyfriend at emotional level as part of growing up process and not necessarily a physical manifestation into a headlong relationship.
So much work was pending...She thanked Arpana and moved out into her own world where only she had to find navigation Tabs into her Daughter's heart!!!!
By Sonnal Pardiwala.

© Sonnal Pardiwala. All Rights Reserved.